There has been an on going letters to Hiroshima, since this is the 65th anniversary. So I am sending this message.

Peace

This is a continuing desire of many around the world. With the current conflicts and affairs in this world, peace may not be realized for all, yet with a continuing memory and a path of walking forward can our future generations realize that there are similar goal to be reached.

Peace where people understand that there are interesting individuals.

Peace where there are no wars.

Peace where there are no nuclear threats. 

Peace where there is a realization that humankind shares the same sky, same space.

Earth is a small world that people must treasure.

 

What a gloomy title... how to pick up the pieces of my life, without falling into despair is another thing. Writing I guess airs out my laundry. Mostly prone to stuttering, if I even try to formulate the words. Then how to form it in Chinese is another thing. Mom complains that I don't tell every single thing to her, that she can be a therapist, but for her information - it is no and no and no.

Several things right now in my real life that is definitely something I see as issues. Are they easy to fix, probably - can I get it of.. some thought.... will I be able to.. is another big thing to think about. Can i say my life is easier than others - probably, but on the whole - don't expect to hear me say, your life is the same as mine. If some people would read this, they would wonder why I haven't even fixed this up yet. Well there are some problems, and issues.

To sum it up, this is an entry/rant/laundry about,

-Health insurance
-Unemployment or school
-Apartment

Today when I went with my mom to see if I qualify for health insurance, I got shot down, saying my financial situation is high by $80 of the limit they accept. Do I wish to be without insurance, no, but if the health insurance is too high, and services suck then why would I want to throw money into a ship that won't help me? I have been without health insurance fort two years now, and since I got laid off in January - you can imagine how it is. If I hear my mom yap about getting insured is a preventative measure, then.... my blood pressure is an issue.

Unemployment or school? Well I have funded my own graduate degree, and now to fund another graduate degree is going to cut into another CD. Unemployment has hit a curb for me. I have the issue of being too school-experienced and less occupational-experienced. So volunteering might be the answer right? If I can find a cause that won't cause me too much stress in thinking, is this the right environment for me, would I not continue to hear grief from my mom then so be it.

I recently went to a workshop about changing my career, well if I want to change career, I am still young... no sweat.. but the issues on there being a job or not is key. Would this recession be over, would I not be bitter about lost prospects, probably. I already regret my undergrad in spite of the friends I have made. Studying at my college has definitely did not help me in my current occupational thoughts, and should I have transferred as I have seen other classmates transferred, probably. But what's done is done. I can only try to go and fix what I missed when I was in undergrad. Or maybe try and fix up the issue that is my life? It would be easier to just go and jump off somewhere, but I can't let those dark thoughts suck me back in.

Also being consistently reminded that I have to be responsible, and not think about moving out, and stay close to home is another issue.

Prior to going to the health insurance place, my mom was rummaging around the apt for the paperwork. Several things occur, I tried to bait my mom to listen to a small box of her un-open cds/vcds, and try to clean my room. One my mom didn't listen to my bait, and two she cleaned the box of the dust, and I brought it back to my room to put it back. Two is that cleaning my room and trying to fix the rest of the apt, is going to be a lot of sweat, blood and tears. Well that has already occurred. I live in this hole that I call a black hole, and throwing out my mom's possessions is not an option that be be offered to me easily. Same thing goes for my sister's crap. If friends are going to say that I am foolish to let go of certain items readily, then so be it. Living in this place with this much crap.. aka stuff, is going to be more tears and stress than it is. Yesterday my mom opened up the window in my room, several Japanese cds fell between the bed and the dresser, and yes it is a challenge to stick my hand into that place, even one of my cds actually rolled out. I am thinking in my mind. Yep that is a goner for the cd....

But what will happen to my life, is what I will push for it to happen.

Well I have flipped the night and day. Feeling kinda sleepy still, but still up.. and it's 2am..

Got notification of my unemployment stuff today.. and it mentions to continue looking for a job.. but man is that depressing.

Went to a new library yesterday.. Dell mentioned they didn't get the part back yet, so I emailed them back to them with a return # for what my former HD was.

Got credit card bill in the mail. Lots of ebooks to be paid off... some reviews still needed to be written. Oh shoot.. one more. >_< Where did the time go. >_<